I’ve been nerding out on something recently. Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey’s theory of adult development offers one of the most compelling frameworks for understanding how leaders grow—not just in skill or competence, but in consciousness. Unlike many models that focus on “what leaders do,” this one focuses on who leaders are becoming. For anyone who cares about transformational leadership—not just performance tweaks—this model is gold.
In this article, we’re going to only look at Stages 2 through 5. Each stage represents a distinct way of making meaning in the world. And each stage comes with its own internal logic, barriers to growth, and leadership possibilities. Recently a friend asked me, “What stage do you think you are in?” My gut reaction was “I think I’m probably all of them at different times in different situations.” She replied, somewhat tongue in cheek “What a Stage-5 response!”
I’m not sure if she was right or wrong, but I do think my answer points to something crucial about the 5 Stages. This model isn’t about “getting to Stage 5” like it’s the summit of a mountain. Just like in childhood or adolescence, the point of understanding a 4-year-old’s skills and mindset isn’t to rush them into being 19. It’s to have a framework for what that stage can be, so they can flourish where they are—and grow into what’s next in a healthy, grounded way. Similarly, the real juice is in exploring your current stage of adulthood, noticing what’s holding you there, and discovering what new levels of freedom, responsibility, and impact might be waiting just beyond it.
What follows is a brief summary of Stages 2 through 5 with a few thoughts about the barriers as well as the possibilities of that stage as it relates specifically to leadership.
Stage 2: The Instrumental Mind
According to Kegan and Lahey, Stage 2 is actually a pre-adult stage. This stage’s characteristics are seen in older children and adolescents. That being said, I think even the most mature adults have experienced being driven by a feeling or thought-process that felt their inner teenager was running the show. We sometimes label this as us “not being our best selves”. However, I think it’s more accurate to say it’s not our most developmentally adult self showing up in that moment.
Some adults never move beyond Stage 2. (Though I’d be careful about going around labeling anyone as such!) Leaders at this level tend to see relationships transactionally. The focus is on rules, rewards, consequences, and concrete outcomes. This is the stage of “I do X, so I can get Y.” People in this stage often follow directives but struggle to step into shared ownership. They may be effective when tasks are clearly defined but are limited when ambiguity or collaboration is required.
The barrier to moving forward here is attachment to control and predictability. Leadership development tools that introduce empathy, perspective-taking, and systems thinking can begin to shake up the rigid, black-and-white thinking of Stage 2. Feedback—especially feedback that highlights relational impact—can be a powerful wake-up call. That being said, this is a stage where feedback can be the most difficult to deliver because the Stage 2 mind tends to interpret feedback as a personal threat or a loss of reward, rather than as an opportunity for growth.
Stage 3: The Socialized Mind
At Stage 3, the leader begins to step beyond the self-focused lens of adolescence and enters a new realm: relationship. This is the stage where empathy, collaboration, and social intelligence begin to take center stage. Leaders operating from this stage are often attuned to group dynamics, more motivated to build trust, and skilled at creating cohesion and belonging. They become the glue in many teams—the ones who care, who listen, who ask how you’re really doing.
The beauty of Stage 3 is that it’s where conscience and compassion take root. But the challenge is that these leaders often define themselves through the eyes of others. They can uphold the values of an organization—not because they’ve internalized them, but because doing so affirms their place in the group. Their identity is built around fitting in, gaining status or approval, and maintaining harmony.
The barrier to growth here is a lack of inner differentiation: it can be difficult to make tough decisions or take bold stands when they might upset the group. Sometimes, leadership requires challenging the values of an organization while staying connected to it—something the Socialized Mind isn’t yet equipped to do. Leadership development tools like journaling, personal values clarification, and coaching can support these leaders in beginning to hear—and trust—their own inner voice. This doesn’t mean abandoning relationships; it means becoming a fuller participant in them, capable of bringing a self that is both connected and distinct.
Stage 4: The Self-Authoring Mind
This is where leaders begin to write their own story. They operate from personal values and a self-generated worldview. Their leadership becomes principle-based rather than rule- or approval-based. These are the people who can say, “This is what I stand for, and here’s how I’m building my team to reflect that.” They have a clear sense of mission and take ownership of both their successes and failures.
At this stage, a fundamental shift occurs: you begin to see yourself not as someone who needs to fit into the world, but as someone who can shape it. Instead of constantly adapting to systems, you begin to ask, “What kind of systems do I want to help create?” This sense of agency fuels courageous decision-making, vision-setting, and a deeper kind of leadership impact.
The key barrier to moving into Stage 4 is fear of disappointing others or being “too much.” It takes courage to risk disapproval in service of something you believe in. Tools that clarify vision, purpose, and core commitments can be catalytic here. Feedback systems like 360 reviews, when combined with coaching that supports reflection (rather than compliance), can reinforce the sense of agency and authorship this stage requires.
Stage 5: The Self-Transforming Mind
This stage isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about realizing that the “someone” you thought you were is just one perspective. Stage 5 leaders can hold multiple truths at once. They see the limits of their own identity and are less attached to being right. They are capable of deep collaboration, complexity thinking, and generative conflict. These are the leaders who transform organizations—not by force, but by creating spaces where other people grow. A Stage 5 leader might pause before reacting to conflict, asking not just “What’s my stance?” but “What are the competing truths here, and how can we evolve together?”
The biggest barrier to Stage 5 is attachment to your own self-authored identity. It’s seductive to think, “I’ve done all this work to become this kind of leader—why let go of that now?” But Stage 5 invites us to hold our identities lightly, stay open to being reshaped, and operate from curiosity rather than certainty. Practices like mindfulness, shadow work, and engaging in truly diverse dialogue can help develop the spaciousness needed to live here.
But again, here’s the caveat: Stage 5 is not the prize. The real prize is being awake to the stage you’re currently in, and examining it with honesty and humility. In some ways, Stage 5 winds up being a never-ending exploration and deeper understanding of the ways that the previous 4 stages impact our lives.
For the record, I’m not claiming to be in Stage 5 (after all, what would the point of that be? There’s no Stage 5 plaque or trophy—believe me, I’ve checked). But I keep coming back to that moment with my friend. Maybe the more useful question isn’t “What stage are you in?” but “How fully are you living the stage you’re in—and what’s quietly waiting to emerge?”
As Kegan points out, when we transcend a stage, we don’t abandon it—we integrate it. You bring forward its gifts, and you keep working with its residue. That’s why it’s not helpful to pathologize earlier stages. The goal isn’t to “fix” people or rush their development; it’s to meet them where they are and support what’s next.
This is where most leadership development efforts fall short. They try to drag people into more complex behavior without attending to the meaning-making structure underneath. It’s not just about what you do—it’s about why you do it, and who you believe yourself to be while doing it. If someone is at Stage 3 and you give them a vision-setting workshop, they’ll likely write what they think their boss wants to hear. But if you pair that with coaching, values clarification, and safe spaces to explore their authentic voice? Now you’re onto something.
There’s a whole toolbox that can support stage growth—values exercises, journaling prompts, feedback models, mindfulness, even other models like the Immunity to Change Map (another gem from Kegan and Lahey). But it’s not the tool—it’s the intention and the container you create around it that allows transformation to take root.
So whether you’re a coach, a manager, or a leader developing other leaders, this framework invites you to look beyond competence and ask: How is this person making meaning? What are they taking for granted? And how can we support them in growing into more choice, more freedom, and more impact?
Because in the end, leadership is not just about producing results—it’s about evolving the human being who’s producing them.
Note: I developed this article with the help of AI as a thought partner to refine and clarify the ideas I’ve been teaching and exploring for the last 2 decades.
