Being a leader who truly empowers the whole human means giving your heart to those you serve.

As far as I can tell there’s no way around that.

What’s more, when you genuinely care and invest in people, you open themselves up to the risks of disappointment and heartbreak. While giving your heart is essential for genuine leadership, it also means facing the reality that people might let you down or even walk away.

However, you can’t use this as an excuse to hold back.

Unforgiveness can leave a leader bearing the weight of past hurts, leading to burnout. It’s not just the long hours but these emotional bruises that can drain a leader’s energy and passion.

Here are 3 key tips on forgiveness for leaders, followed by a story about how one of my clients got to practice forgiveness.

1. Understanding Forgiveness: It doesn’t mean endorsing or accepting unworkable actions. Instead, it’s about deciding not to harbor resentment or seek retribution.

2. The Power of Self-Reflection: Take moments for introspection. Understand the root of your hurt and the feelings it evokes. This clarity helps in healing and moving forward.

3. A Commitment, Not Just a Feeling: Forgiveness is a conscious choice. It’s a pact you make with yourself to lead from a place of freedom and joy, even when the feeling of hurt lingers.

Consider the story of one of my clients, Sarah, a Director of Operations at a fast-growing hospital chain. She nurtured and mentored a talented young recruit named Jake, giving him opportunities to grow, and investing a lot of time and energy into his professional development. As Sarah was preparing to pitch a crucial project to stakeholders, she entrusted Jake with a significant component of it. The day before the pitch, Jake decided to leave the organization, and he left without finishing his part.

Sarah felt deeply hurt and betrayed. The feeling of being let down, after all the trust and investment she had made in Jake, was immense. However, after the immediate stress of the pitch was over, she decided to use the three tips for forgiveness:

1. Understanding Forgiveness: Sarah realized that by forgiving Jake, she wasn’t condoning his abrupt departure or his lack of professional courtesy. Instead, she was letting go of the weight and bitterness that threatened her mental well-being. She communicated to Jake about how his actions affected the team but made it clear that she held no animosity towards him.

2. Self-Reflection: During one of our coaching sessions, I gave Sarah an assignment to do a full 90 minutes of journaling and meditation on the issue with Jake. There, she journaled about her feelings of betrayal, disappointment, and sadness. She delved deep into understanding her emotions and recognized that her hurt feelings simply reminded her of every other past experience of someone leaving – past employees, previous romantic interests, etc.  When she realized this, she actually saw that her main concern was how Jake’s decision impacted the entire team and the company’s reputation. This clarity allowed her to separate personal hurt from professional concerns.  

3. Commitment Over Feeling: Weeks after the incident, Sarah still felt the sting when she thought about it. However, she made a daily commitment to forgive and not let the situation hold her back. She actively engaged in positive affirmations and surrounded herself with positive influences. Over time, this commitment helped her feelings align with her decision to forgive.

Sarah’s story serves as a reminder that leadership is a risky game, filled with possible disappointments and hurt. But through the power of forgiveness, leaders can unburden themselves, making space for growth, positivity, and future collaborations. 

By embracing forgiveness, leaders not only free themselves from the constraint of past resentments but also set a powerful example for their teams about the strength of character and the resilience of the human spirit.