Imagine this. Jessie from Marketing is always complaining about Jodie in Accounting. Most people see Jessie’s “complaining” in the worst possible light – he’s a complainer. Not a team player. Bad vibes. Toxic energy. Right? These assessments could be accurate. Maybe not. A discerning leader must develop their capacity to see all the nuances and contexts in a situation. It’s more than just seeing “both sides” of the story. What might happen if you expanded your listening to include all of the multi-dimensional factor as well?
As a leader, everyone knows that you’re supposed to listen. Active listening, right? Then, there’s empathy, and even compassion. Yes, these are important. But you’ve got to take it a step further. The best leaders know that empowering the deepest interests and visions of their people go a long way in creating impactful organizations and high impact teams. However, the practical application of this axiom is filled with nuance. Embracing this nuance can open up possibilities for breakthroughs in communication, extraordinary teamwork, and unprecedented results.
If you really examine the phenomenon of listening, you’ll discover a multi-dimensional world. Inside of this world you can create human connection, accountability and inspiring possibilities for you and your team that you’d never imagined before. Entering this world requires taking an honest inventory of all of the ways that you listen (and don’t listen!), your personal barriers to things like curiosity, as well as the opportunities to be more generous. With just a little courage and humility, you’ll discover that embracing all of the nuances of listening gives you access to a kind of superpower that you didn’t know that you had!
Consider this. People only complain about things that matter to them. I live in Houston. I’ve never complained about the weather in Seattle. Why? Because it doesn’t impact me. How does this apply to our friend Jessie in marketing? True, he might have a bad habit of complaining. But what if you chose to look and listen for Jessie’s deeper commitment? What if you chose to see him as someone who is committed to excellence, and even craves efficiency? And what if, at the same time, he simply does not know how to impact the situation – he literally might not have the vocabulary to tackle the situation with Jodie in a way that feels constructive or that he could get what he wants.
If you are listening for his bigger commitment, you’d likely respond differently. You could hold space for his frustration. Acknowledge it without judging him. Then, you could simply say, “it sounds like you really want this issue resolved and for it to work better than it’s been working?” He says, “that’s right.” You: “How can I empower your intention to make a difference here?” You could also be listening for opportunities for Jessie to grow and develop. Yes! Remember, he’s committed to excellence! But how might he grow in his capacity to communicate with excellence?
This is more than just “listening for positive intent”. When listening with nuance, you can be curious about and hold space for someone’s experience and emotions, while simultaneously holding them to account. You can listen for their greatness, finding ways to call them up, and not just calling them out. This is about developing the adult capacity to hold multiple truths in mind at the same time. When you master this, you can actually draw forth the best in others by seeing them as a big person, one who is committed to making a difference in the world, and willing to be accountable (no even if their actions haven’t always shown that in the past.).
They say you’ll always find what you’re looking for. It’s also true with listening — you’ll always hear what you’re listening for. Always. Confirmation bias can shut down a conversation before it even starts. But if you’re committed to really empowering others, you’ll need to interrupt this ordinary human tendency, and become willing to see the people you lead and the people in your life from the most generous, compassionate, and supportive lens possible. The positive impact that can have on them is limitless!
